daddy...........you suck

i often get the feeling that my 3 year old is subliminally telling me that i suck.  i work all the time and see him and his little brother for a couple hours a day.  it sucks!  last night he fell asleep at 6pm (due to a lack of a nap) and slept through until 4:30am.  once he woke up bright eyed and ready for the day i spent the next 2 1/2 hours telling him to stop jumping on the bed and to be quiet or hed wake his brother.  i know these are typical parenting things but i feel horrible.  my son wants to spend time with me and i cant even make time for my family.

that being said, i want to go back to school.  i have it set in my mind that i want to go back for my masters in education and become a teacher!  i could participate in an internship program which would pay for my masters program.  there are a few snags though.  1.  i have to take a year off from work to do the internship and go to classes.  2.  i might be able to get financial aide to pay for my bills for the next year, but its no guarantee.  3.  it would take up ALOT of my time in the next year.

there are benefits to this decision though.  1. summers/weekends/holidays/nights off from work  2.  pretty good pay  3.  pretty good benefits  4.  more time to spend with my family  5.  be able to watch my sons grow up  6.  help mold and shape the future adults of this country  7.  possibly teach in nyc (a dream ive had for a while)  8.  no more retail business, i cant stand it! 9.  planned vacations with the family, now i dont have ANY guarantee of when my vacation time will be....its seems like the list can go on and on.

i guess the benefits outweigh the snags....it may be one year of tough work and little time with my family but it will benefit my family in the long run.  all i can do is try, apply, and hope to get financial aide.  no financial aide=no money for bills=no school for me!